It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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