i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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