I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
