shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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