Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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