If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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