The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
