at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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