I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
