Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
im having a threesome with these popsicles
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
