So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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