The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
