Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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