Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
