Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
