my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
