I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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