I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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