we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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