I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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