just survived the first fart of the relationship.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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