if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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