I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
