i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
