Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
high people should be assigned attendants
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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