**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
