Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize