Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Someone shattered a urinal.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
