You really coming over, don't trick.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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