Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
