i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
