Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
