fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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