At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
