For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
