what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
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She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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