Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
