I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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