all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
