Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
