dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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