saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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