I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I got inside last night via doggy door
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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