Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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