I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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