i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
