i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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