I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
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just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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