I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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