I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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