My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
