i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
