Betty ford says i'm here all night
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
