you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
