In the future we'll all be gay
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
