she was so not down for the gang bang
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
