I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize