Betty ford says i'm here all night
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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