i love accidental penises.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
