kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
