no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize