She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
