she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
