Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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