i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Im part way to drunk.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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