My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
