Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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