Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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