shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
