Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Holy shit dude........stairs
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
