Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
