I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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