Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
