walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
