R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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