I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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