apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
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