when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
