it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
